Oct 26 Combined JW - Flipbook - Page 34
Hayling Herald Community update
You are not alone
NEW TYRES IN STOCK
QUALITY PART WORN TYRES
RUN FLAT TYRES
PUNCTURE REPAIRS
ISLAND
TYRES
BALANCING
CARAVAN &
TRAILER TYRES
Opening Times
Mon - Friday 8:30am - 5:00pm
Saturday 8:30am - 1:00pm
34
By Yvonne Collins from the
Hayling Christian Centre
OUR September meeting of You
are not alone happened on a gloriously sunny afternoon and brought
together people of different ages and
at different stages of their bereavement journey.
What struck me this month was
that one person had lost their partner
just three months ago whilst another
had lost her husband five years ago
and since then also lost a mother and
father, and dealt with all of this alone.
When somebody has been through
multiple bereavements, they can
reach a stage where they just need
somebody to talk to, somebody to listen, somebody to say: ‘Well done for
getting through all of that alone.’
Many people can spend decades
with another person, and the bond
that grows is therefore really strong.
To lose that person in death leaves a
void which cannot be filled.
Our members today spoke of the
difficulty of spending evenings alone,
of dreading the winter evenings, of
not wanting to get out of bed in the
morning because of not wanting to
face the day alone, and of the challenges of maintaining a home when
their partner had done all of the DIY.
People in the group are still able to
laugh, as well as cry, especially when
they reflect upon the TV programmes
which their loved one liked but which
they merely tolerated out of kindness.
What was really heart-warming
today was watching people reach out
with words of kindness and compassion so that people could feel accepted and understood.
People reflected today upon how
other people sympathise with them
but they don’t feel that people really
understand what bereavement is like
unless they experience it for themselves. It is undeniably extremely
painful especially as people approach
anniversaries or birthdays, which two
of our members were facing today.
In light of all of this, I would like to
offer you some pointers of how to be
with a person who is bereaved.
Supporting the bereaved
When listening to people who are bereaved, there are things which do help
and there are things which definitely
do not. I hope that the following list is
helpful for you if you know of somebody who is grieving:
Dos:
n Speak kindly to them
n Give them space when they need it
n Be patient
n Listen and empathise with a gentle
tone of voice
n Allow them to cry; its normal
n Give them time to ponder and process the death
n Ask them what they would like
n Contact them on anniversaries
n Be a friend by being considerate,
offer a meal, a friendly smile
n Be sincere by recognising that their
low mood is a natural response
Don’ts:
n Take over
n Go in all guns blazing, throwing
things away without asking, every
item is a precious memory
n Get embarrassed if they get upset
n Expect them to be over it in weeks
or months, grief is a long process
n Criticise or knock somebody’s
beliefs when they look for signs of the
departed
n Give up on them because they are
still crying after six months
n Avoid them in the supermarket
If you are able to remember just
a few of these tips, you will help to
soothe the heartache which people
feel that they need to hide away behind a mask of ‘Yes, I’m okay’.
At You are not alone, it is okay to
not be okay, to just be yourself with
tears and sadness too. We will welcome you with warmth, empathy and
a cup of tea too.
We will meet again at 2pm on
November 7th and December 5th at
the Hayling Christian Centre on the
corner of St Leonard’s Avenue in Elm
Grove.
